I’ve been bad

5 Apr

The last month has not been kind to my waistline.  Here is the summary:

  • I finished finals.  4.0 baby
  • I ignored my WW e-tools for the entire duration of finals and spring break.
  • I ate so much good food on vacation.
  • I signed up for a half marathon in July (!) and ran 4 times during spring break (though nothing over 3 miles).
  • I started a hellacious new quarter at school and am tired everyday and have not exercised ONCE since I got back a week ago.
  • A new fro yo place opened up really close to my house.

But, thank goodness, there is no limit to fresh starts.   I will have to start training seriously by May if I want to beat my PR in the half, but that’s a month away.  I’m hoping that’s enough time to get adjusted to the new swing of things.

It’s all about momentum.  Just gotta get on that train and ride it.

Yes I’m going there.



too many chocolate-covered raisins

8 Mar

More to come.

A preview:  I have an entire week’s worth of groceries and meals planned out and it wasn’t that difficult to do, especially with the help of GROCERY DELIVERY.  Genius.

monkey bread is my crack

27 Feb

…in which I reveal some fairly disgusting details of my relationship with sugar

On the one hand, the fact that I am even bothered by what happened this weekend shows how far I’ve come.  But on the other hand, I feel like the words “relapse” and “junkie” can actually be applied realistically to a description of the psychological and physical calamities I brought on myself.

Now, I’ve never shot up crack balls or free-based heroin crystals or whatever the kids are doing these days, so I can’t entirely say if my likening this sick Monkey Bread habit to a narcotics addiction is hyperbole or not.  But I was a psych major in undergrad, I know the hallmarks of a substance problem when I see it.  Or when I smell it…that buttery, caramely, doughy, cream cheesey, cinnamony warmth wafting through the air…do I ever smell it.

I’ve been Officially Sick since Thursday night, when my fever grew and peaked and 103 for a couple of hours.  Since then, the aches and temp have subsided, but left behind a deep, gnarly, phlegmy cough and irritated sinuses, making it pretty awful to get up and move around.  So on Friday night, when I was finally done with a grueling 90-minute session on campus and a meeting with a supervisor that WOULD NOT END, I came home completely pooped.  But apparently not pooped enough not to make a batch of Deluxe Monkey Bread whose recipe came with the special Monkey Bread bundt pan I bought a few weeks ago.  The first factor in this disaster was the fact that when I’m under the weather, all bets are off.  I’m tired, I’m not thinking straight, and I sure as hell am not going to turn down some comfort food.

I think my original rationale was that I’d make it all for J, who had been asking for it ever since I first described it.  Of course, this recipe called for pre-made buttermilk biscuits from a can (onto which one then puts a dollop of sweet cinnamon cream cheese mixture  on each ‘biscuit’ and folds into a mini monkey ball pouch, which line up next to one another in the bundt pan, then are drizzled with homemade caramel/pecan sauce.  Also, why ‘monkey’ has anything to do with it, I have no clue).

This leads me to the second problem:  the two-bite size.  “Oh I’ll just have one, and let him devour the rest!”  Simple! Elegant! I believe science calls this sort of design parsimonious.  Having my cake and eating just a little bit of it, too.   However, my plan was spoiled. J is also still sick, and tolerates Nyquill much better than I do, and so was sound asleep when it came out of the oven at 10pm.  I had to negotiate the gooey pan by myself.  One monkey ball is just enough for a taste test (about a 2″ cube).  But of course it passed the taste test and that’s where I got into trouble.  They’re small enough pieces to feel like a second or third is acceptable.  Or a fourth, who am I kidding.

Which brings me to problem three: two or three or four pieces of Monkey Bread make me feel like shit.  If you break down the time frame from me being aware of the desire for MB till the point when traces of MB have cleared my system, it’s one part happy delicious fun time and about 99 parts regret, bloat, and masochistic craving for more of same.  Saturday morning began with J bringing me a tray of coffee + skim with a little plate of MB.  I haven’t started a day out with pure sugar for a really long time, and I was acutely aware of the consequences: the entire day I felt dissatisfied, constantly searching for more crap to stuff in my face to fill the void.  It was like swimming in a syrupy maelstrom, desperately trying to bob my head above once in a while to sustain myself, only instead of sucking air I was gobbling more Monkey Bread.

So then there’s the fourth issue: IT’S STILL THERE.  One of the justifications I make when going back for more, against all logical arguments for not doing so, is that the more I eat, the faster it will be gone.  But I’ve had between 3 and 6 pieces a day and I think J is not too far behind, and we still haven’t been able to kill it off.   I feel like this magical bread should be part of a Brothers Grimm tale.  Having fallen under the curse of an evil witch, the poor starving grad student stumbles across (at Target) the Enchanted Monkey Bundt Pan. She brings it home, delighted at her apparent good fortune.  But as she soon discovers, the sweet treat is not all good: the Voodoo Yeast reproduce when she is not looking to ensure the legacy of the Enchanted Monkey never dies.  Plagued by a lack of self-control (also part of the evil witch’s curse), the girl is forced to eat the piles and piles of dough accumulating in her house, which also happens to be a giant shoe.  She transforms into a gluttonous beast and is discovered, face down in a plate of caramel pecan glaze, by a band of whistling dwarves. I will get the art team who worked on Killer Klowns from Outer Space to do the movie version.

The big surprise in all of this is that Monkey Bread contains no chocolate.  Apparently my carb addiction does not discriminate.

I believe the only way out of this mess is with vegetables.  Green earthy goodness to stave off the onslaught of rotting incisors and diabetes.  If I come up with a more concrete plan than that, I’ll let you know.

p.s. NEVER LET ME BAKE THIS STUFF AGAIN.  Who wants my monkey bundt pan?!

comfort food

24 Feb

All I want right now is some mashed potatoes and chicken noodle soup.  And an electric blanket.

I’ve actually never been in this situation, where I’m waiting for the impending doom and I know exactly what it will look like.  When I get sick, which is rare (last time was January 2008, and in retrsospect I know precisely who gave it to me in that germ hole of a school I worked in), I’m never quite sure of what unpleasantries lie in store for me…just a cough and sore throat? some barfing perhaps? dull aches and chills? will it be intense and over in a day, or long and drawn out?  But this time, I can predict almost to the hour what will happen and when it will happen, symptom-wise.  My boyfriend spent 10 days on the east coast with family who flew in from out of the country, and the whole lot of them (mom, dad, aunts and uncles, cousins, and the brothers and sisters and kids of all of them) got whatever it is that was brought over here from eastern Europe.  Symptoms include chest congestion, fever, chills, headache, puking.  I’m only in the first stage, no fever yet, but it’s moving along in the same way it did for my boyfriend, whose course is about 3 days ahead of mine.  Maybe this is good practice for getting old and inevitably getting some horrible progressive disease that comes with its own pamphlet about what to expect as your body erodes.  Note, I’m still not dying young, don’t worry. That’s the whole point of this anyway, isn’t it.

Anyway, I already had some comfort food for lunch — tomato basil soup (bisque, probably – so creamy) and a grilled cheese sandwich on wheat.  Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.   I hate being sick for so many reasons obviously but one of them is that it makes it really hard  to stick to an eating plan.


23 Feb

Whew! My weekend of indulgence has come to an end.  It sure ended with a bang — I had flown back to my city already when the real food fun began — deluxe cheezburger, fries, donut, gift chocolate, lasagna.

Not surprisingly, the scales show that I gained 0.4 lb this week.  So basically I am where I was 2 weeks ago.  Was two weeks of effort and a little weight gain worth it for all the indulgence?  You betcha.  That’s the attitude I’m taking.  It’s not like it was 4 lbs, it was 0.4 lb.  And if I didn’t get to have a binge frenzy once in a while, it wouldn’t be sustainable.

I didn’t even really bother tracking on e-tools once it got to a certain point this weekend, but let me see if I can remember some of the food porn highlights:

  • M&Ms on the plane
  • homemade apple pie with caramel balsamic ice cream (yum?!?!?)
  • fresh homemade whole-wheat bread (countless slices…well, we had two loaves and they were gone by the end of the weekend, between 3 people)
  • restaurant breakfast – “home bread” (fried homemade bread…aahhhh butter!), a slice of french toast and syrup, 2 poached eggs, fruit, coffee
  • garlic beef in saucey sauce from a chinese restaurant, plus brown rice
  • “protein” bar. It was mostly peanut butter.
  • goat cheese & portobello shroom open-faced sandwich plus smoked trout & avocado & potato salad.  amazing
  • mounds & york peppermint patty-flavored fro-yo with oreo topping
  • plus the calories listed above once I got back into town

I can see how all of that would put me half a pound over.  Plus pretty much no exercise all week.

Oh well — back on the wagon today.  And the veg-jihad is in full force.  I will get extra super duper lots of veggies from Chipotle for lunch today. 😀


19 Feb

My mom makes a killer loaf of handmade whole wheat sunflower seed bread. I’m just gonna leave it at that.

Also, this long weekend will be full of merriment because I am home and three of my dearest, oldest friends, all of whom I have known since I was at most 6 years old and one of whom knew me at 0 days old, are also coincidentally in town. Plus, lunch with Grandma tomorrow. I can’t make any promises about sticking to a plan until I go back on Tuesday.

I did, however, resist the bundt of Monkey Bread that I made last night before my flight, which is a gift for friends house/cat-sitting. If there is indeed an afterlife where the good people go, I believe it must smell exactly like a kitchen with an oven baking Monkey Bread. Pecans, butter, homemade caramel, fluffy dough, cinnamon sugar. Freaking amazing. Even more so that I didn’t cram the whole thing down my pie hole. That’s what she said.

real slow, and real steady

16 Feb

Down 0.2 lbs this week…HAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!  Please refer to my fluctuations post.  This means nothing to me, really.

Assuming I really neither lost nor gained anything this week, let’s consider all of the “off-plan” things that occurred:

  • overall, I went over by 36 points, but that’s not including the apparent 27 points I earned in activity (so really just 9 net points)
  • Cheeseburger, fries, Thai food, and dark chocolate on Wednesday. Chipotle with rice and sour cream, and Mexican food pt. 2 on Thursday. English muffin, half & half, pizza, wine, and fro-yo on Friday. Beer, wine, and brownies on Saturday. More fro-yo & toppings on Sunday. Shortbread chocolate cookie on Monday. 7 or 8 pieces of weird Japanese candy and 100 cal of honey biscuits, plus a giant bowl of pho (with rice noodles) on Tuesday.

So really, considering all of that, no loss should have been expected.  Needless to say I could’ve done a lot better.  The first half of the week was a lot worse than the second half, so I’m hoping to continue this pretty decent trend and have some better progress for next week.

One positive thing I will say about perspective and progress so far: despite fluctuations, lately I have been consistently at least 5 lbs lighter, if not more, than I was 3 weeks ago.

Off to Zumba, clean my entire house, and finish up some homework before the end of the week & weekend gets underway!